One time I dreamt I was rich. My girlfriend woke me up.

"You're having that dream again, babe."

"How could you tell?"

"Your dick started talking to me again."

"It can talk?!"

"Of course. But only when you're dreaming you're Jeff Bezos."

"How do you know I'm dreaming about him? I don't even like the guy!"

"Your dick starts twitching and then says, "Beam me up, Scotty!"

"It's the spaceship he built."

"And he gave Captain Kirk like the 1st or 2nd ride, instead of you and your cuckoo dick."

"My dick is jealous?!"

"There's a lot you don't know, Johnny."

"I'm going to become a nun."

"You can't be a nun if you have a dick. Now get back to sleep. I have to go work in the morning."

I wrote Bezos asking if I could get a job at Amazon. Bezos didn't reply. I don't know why. He must know who I am.

I wrote the Pope, too. He actually wrote back!

"All the nuns are quitting, and you actually seem to be interested!" he said.

Oh shit. I didn't mention my wise guy dick. Well, nobody's perfect.

Just then my dick spoke up, and I wasn't even asleep! I don't think therapy's going to help me on this one.

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Oscar, thanks for the great story! It got me going, too.