OK, you’re laughing. But the Devil didn’t. He offered to give me advice on how to get there.

“John,” the Perfidious Penis advised, “You’re so stupid that I’ve decided to take you on as a client!”

First of all, you may not know that the Devil, Satan, etc., is known…

I usually don’t write self-help articles. Anybody who knows me will realize I would be absolutely lying. Even my coffee cup looked at me this morning and volunteered, “John, you haven’t helped me lately!”

“But you’re a coffee cup!”

“We have our opinions, too.”

Now I have to watch over…

I heard that when Rodney Dangerfield made it to Heaven, he was absolutely amazed when Jesus Himself showed up to welcome him.

“I don’t get no respect, either,” He said.

“Wow,” was all Rodney could say.

“Sure, they’ve built 35 million churches, and some of them are quite nice, but…

Sometimes words drop out of the sky.
The Earth attracts them.

*********************

I really love words. They’re great comedians, but only if you get to know them. Unfortunately, there are many many people who are quite convinced that all the words are essentially quite sad. …

A friend of mine pontificated that humans can be Buddhas, but pigs cannot. I laughed. Who knows if pigs can be Buddhas or not? We assume, because they make funny noises and let us eat them, that they must be inferior to our own oh so sophisticated understanding. It’s true…

One time a rock decided to take himself for granted. His girlfriend was shocked. “You’re such a special rock!” she assured him.

“No, I’m just a pebble in the river,” he moaned.

At that moment, a 12 year old boy picked him up and threw him. He landed in a…